It's been a while since I have written. I wrote a poem when last time. It's been over a year since my return to Oregon. It has taken a good long time to begin processing my life. I have fallen into depression some times, but I knowing that I need forward momentum I have forged forward in the area of school.

I thought I would have reconnected with more people. I have found that I have less connection with many than I had previously assumed. My heart has been very tired and finding much needed rest this year. I'm pursuing art, though even outside the blog I haven't written much. It has been a very dry year creatively speaking.

I met Traci while struggling through school. She is amazing, Her kindness has really been a shelter for me. This next year as I return to school, I am beginning to become more excited about the future. I have learned to hold on to love. I am still tired a lot, and have had a lot of medical things to deal with before the end of the year when I am set to lose insurance. And some repercussions of stress and pain. I have learned that I don't have to be super impressive. I have been made great before ever being noticed. I have learned to work hard and let go of minor stresses at work, at least in this particular environment. And I have learned to love a pet and be loved by one.

I am looking forward to my next term at school. One more go to conquer a math class I have dropped twice, a portrait photography, and film arts. It will be an easy term for me as far as work load goes. Math will be challenging, but I will work harder on it. I am also easing my workload in order to help be a support to Traci as she is taking on a much more challenging work load this term. I am very proud of her as she steps up and takes on the challenges between her and what she is passionate about doing.

I am reminded of my first term at school. It was so refreshing and invigorating to be back in school. I remember I had alarms to remind me of class times, buses, designated homework times, and even the ideal sleep and wake times. My system was flexible, I didn't have to follow the alarms, but I could lean on the framework of the alarms. Another strength I had in my studies was the way I read my text books. I don't gain much from simply reading over the text. I found a way to engage my mind in plowing slowly through the material and draw up knowledge passionately. I took notes on my reading. As I took notes on my reading I deliberately and consciously chose to take an interest in the material. If it was a subject I had little existing interest in I did my best in my notes to relate it to a subject I already had an interest in. I purposely took down important information that would certainly be needed for tests and such. However this was my education and I was owning it, not simply purchasing it. Whenever I had a thought that sprung off the page at me I would add it to my notes. Also whenever I had something to say about a nugget of information I would draw a line to separate my thoughts on a subject from the rest of my notes. I would mark on the outside edge of my paper what kind of notes each section was. I would have a conversation with the material on the paper and pull up as much passion as I could about the topic. If I was tired I rested. If I needed a break to allow my mind to let go of structure I did, and then I returned later to the structure. I didn't believe it when I was told that structure can be freeing, but I knew it that term like I hadn't ever known it. I passed with all As and Bs and was invited to be part of Phi Theta Kappa. I wish I had taken them up on that. Stress has got the better of me in all my subsequent terms. Now I am looking at how I did it well in the past so I can recreate the effect.