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I am changing... again.

In this little world... again

Found too many of the stones 

on which my foot could not rely

Found too many of the stones 

dashing my toes upon them with increasing violence

Here is a place and there

Where I have stopped to bandage 

Stopped to wallow

Stopped to wonder

Stopped to wait and to ponder 

The direction from which I have wandered

Somewhere warm where the sweat pours off of me involuntarily

Somewhere cold waiting for a bus I know will soon arrive

Somewhere on a skateboard then waking up in the street

Somewhere near a field now marveling at the beauty of the fog

This is where I have stopped before

Sometimes cried, often laughed

Sometimes talked until I forget where I started 

Sometimes wrote until my hand refused to go on

Still the record may or may not show

Some friends and many acquaintances I have known

heart deep and chaotic or just face deep and a reflection or a image not fully understood

I have known so many, I have come so far

This road has been so wearisome 

But I have always been choosing my road

Only now do I pick up this knowledge and try try try to pick a road 

where I can thrive and step up on the stones I feared they would bury me under.

I am still choosing everyday

But in my choosing is a question

'Can't this one thing just be permanent.'

All my choosing now, I certainly hope against all odds to make it so.

These stones may topple against me, but I will see the beauty in the storm

Climb a mountain just to feel its pulse

I don't want to be buried under the rubble of my own life

Don't dare stack a stone at my head to define me

The only account of so many years will not remain in what is ahead

This account would have read

He dreamed, but eventually shrunk in great fear and expectation of further trauma

How can I allow myself to become continually buried under such a mass

I must shrug off the rubble and lace up my climbing shoes

Hopes rise with me... within me 

I hope to rise above these mists and this cloud, above this rubble

To enter a country just above the timber line 

Hope rises in me to take in the view