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I am changing... again.

In this little world... again

Found too many of the stones 

on which my foot could not rely

Found too many of the stones 

dashing my toes upon them with increasing violence

Here is a place and there

Where I have stopped to bandage 

Stopped to wallow

Stopped to wonder

Stopped to wait and to ponder 

The direction from which I have wandered

Somewhere warm where the sweat pours off of me involuntarily

Somewhere cold waiting for a bus I know will soon arrive

Somewhere on a skateboard then waking up in the street

Somewhere near a field now marveling at the beauty of the fog

This is where I have stopped before

Sometimes cried, often laughed

Sometimes talked until I forget where I started 

Sometimes wrote until my hand refused to go on

Still the record may or may not show

Some friends and many acquaintances I have known

heart deep and chaotic or just face deep and a reflection or a image not fully understood

I have known so many, I have come so far

This road has been so wearisome 

But I have always been choosing my road

Only now do I pick up this knowledge and try try try to pick a road 

where I can thrive and step up on the stones I feared they would bury me under.

I am still choosing everyday

But in my choosing is a question

'Can't this one thing just be permanent.'

All my choosing now, I certainly hope against all odds to make it so.

These stones may topple against me, but I will see the beauty in the storm

Climb a mountain just to feel its pulse

I don't want to be buried under the rubble of my own life

Don't dare stack a stone at my head to define me

The only account of so many years will not remain in what is ahead

This account would have read

He dreamed, but eventually shrunk in great fear and expectation of further trauma

How can I allow myself to become continually buried under such a mass

I must shrug off the rubble and lace up my climbing shoes

Hopes rise with me... within me 

I hope to rise above these mists and this cloud, above this rubble

To enter a country just above the timber line 

Hope rises in me to take in the view 

It's been a while since I have written. I wrote a poem when last time. It's been over a year since my return to Oregon. It has taken a good long time to begin processing my life. I have fallen into depression some times, but I knowing that I need forward momentum I have forged forward in the area of school.

I thought I would have reconnected with more people. I have found that I have less connection with many than I had previously assumed. My heart has been very tired and finding much needed rest this year. I'm pursuing art, though even outside the blog I haven't written much. It has been a very dry year creatively speaking.

I met Traci while struggling through school. She is amazing, Her kindness has really been a shelter for me. This next year as I return to school, I am beginning to become more excited about the future. I have learned to hold on to love. I am still tired a lot, and have had a lot of medical things to deal with before the end of the year when I am set to lose insurance. And some repercussions of stress and pain. I have learned that I don't have to be super impressive. I have been made great before ever being noticed. I have learned to work hard and let go of minor stresses at work, at least in this particular environment. And I have learned to love a pet and be loved by one.

I am looking forward to my next term at school. One more go to conquer a math class I have dropped twice, a portrait photography, and film arts. It will be an easy term for me as far as work load goes. Math will be challenging, but I will work harder on it. I am also easing my workload in order to help be a support to Traci as she is taking on a much more challenging work load this term. I am very proud of her as she steps up and takes on the challenges between her and what she is passionate about doing.

I am reminded of my first term at school. It was so refreshing and invigorating to be back in school. I remember I had alarms to remind me of class times, buses, designated homework times, and even the ideal sleep and wake times. My system was flexible, I didn't have to follow the alarms, but I could lean on the framework of the alarms. Another strength I had in my studies was the way I read my text books. I don't gain much from simply reading over the text. I found a way to engage my mind in plowing slowly through the material and draw up knowledge passionately. I took notes on my reading. As I took notes on my reading I deliberately and consciously chose to take an interest in the material. If it was a subject I had little existing interest in I did my best in my notes to relate it to a subject I already had an interest in. I purposely took down important information that would certainly be needed for tests and such. However this was my education and I was owning it, not simply purchasing it. Whenever I had a thought that sprung off the page at me I would add it to my notes. Also whenever I had something to say about a nugget of information I would draw a line to separate my thoughts on a subject from the rest of my notes. I would mark on the outside edge of my paper what kind of notes each section was. I would have a conversation with the material on the paper and pull up as much passion as I could about the topic. If I was tired I rested. If I needed a break to allow my mind to let go of structure I did, and then I returned later to the structure. I didn't believe it when I was told that structure can be freeing, but I knew it that term like I hadn't ever known it. I passed with all As and Bs and was invited to be part of Phi Theta Kappa. I wish I had taken them up on that. Stress has got the better of me in all my subsequent terms. Now I am looking at how I did it well in the past so I can recreate the effect. 

Little Lows 6/8/2013 am

In the deeps and quiet places

My few chances to slip away and breathe

Light and lightly moving air

Color and sounds

Movement of plants and creatures and water

 

Just a taste of restfulness

A small rest of a birds tiny feet

Between one flight and the next

It is enough

 

A temporary slowing in the vast stream of time

Through mountains and valleys of beauty

Little highs and little lows

You give me little lows

 

My soul, it is learning to relax into you

You define the expanse and how vast it must be

You guide my journey

To fair havens

Or through colossal downpours

 

You’ve got me

I forgot that I know this well

Just a blink, a whisper, a memory, and a moment

A brief grasping of the branches to know they are there

And back to the heights with the little lows below

The Usefulness of Flowers

I recently heard someone laying out their reasoning for disliking flowers and finding them entirely meaningless. His reasoning was that they in fact had no usefulness. I knew I disagreed wholeheartedly with him, but had little to say of it at the time. I knew he had a personality quite at the other end of the spectrum. I had run across this difference between me and such people enough that it was easy to understand why I felt so strong in the other direction in strange contrast to his line of thinking.

Flowers are beautiful. They appeal both to my senses and my appreciation for them goes much deeper. I enjoy looking at them, touching them, and smelling them. To me they are like a song or a poem, or a letter written communicating to me deeply. What do they communicate?

When I experience beauty I feel safe. I feel peace, too. But more specifically I think the main feeling is safety. I believe that with every act of creation and design God was communicating. As he was building this world, our bodies, our capacities, and capabilities as humans, he was also designing an experience. The fact that flowers exist communicates to me this life is not all about utility. I feel loved when I experience flowers. My value does not shift with my capabilities, my usefulness. My value is not dependent on how productive I can be, how well I can survive in comparison to others. Survival of the fittest is rediculous, because really who wants to just survive? I do want to be fruitful or as some would say: productive, but I also want to be passionate. Beauty actually soothes my mind enough that I can function, without it you would see my behavior become more and more erratic. It drives me crazy and I think it literally would.

Beauty is a communication from God that his love comes from a place of more than enough. It is more than about what I need. Flowers are definitely non-essential to my survival. But his goal isn't my survival. Beauty gives more than it takes. He is showing me that he is extravagant. When someone possesses more wealth than they need it goes above and beyond meeting those needs. Well what do you do with it then? Meet other peoples needs. Ok so God's wealth is more than able to meet all of our needs. In fact a flower replenishes itself and multiplies itself. That is the nature of God's wealth. His wealth is always increasing. With that wealth that goes beyond all need of all creation God can do with it what He wants. There is no limitation on what he could do. He has absolute power to accomplish what He sets His hand to. What he does with this power and wealth speaks to us about his character. He enjoys showing us who He is. One of the things He did was to create flowers and my ability to enjoy them. To be sure this flower enjoyment is only one aspect of my life. Also it seems quite a marginal piece of my life, but in the end it isn't about the flower, it is about the relationship. It is a very useful communication tool in the grand symphony of his song of love towards us.

I love flowers, and all this is contained in my love for flowers whether I am aware of it or not. They were designed specifically for enjoyment. And so they fill their purpose perfectly. We don't always stop and appreciate them, but they are there just the same a communication that returns again and again to us. A gift from the King who desires us.

Another thing God is communicating through the flower and other beauty he created on earth for us is this. Out of all this beauty I choose you. You are beautiful to me. You are a stand out. I desire you more than any of this. All of this beauty is temporary, but it has a purpose while it is here; communication from the one who originally thought it up. Knowing I am loved, brings forth love in my heart I could not produce. Love for God, and others. What touches me about flowers is the gift they are to me; what they communicate to me. Ultimately if we only look at the flower we miss their purpose. They are poetry from the greatest love to us. If you only look at the flower what you miss is the communication from where they originated the heart of God, and you also miss the explosive effect that love has in the hearts of those who receive that message. It isn't about the flower at all, because it is after all only one such letter of many from God, but it is still special to my heart.  

Back to Oregon

Some of you may have already heard I am returning to Oregon. There is a lot to be said about this return. A lot of things in my life have been challenged by this trip. God has been dealing with me on some pretty heavy duty foundational things. I know I am currently being vague, but I find it necessary at this point to return to Oregon. I will continue my bloggings after I have returned so I can rest and process what what is going on. I was glad to be able to share what has been going on. And will continue to do so later. Thanks for your love, prayers, and support during my California trip and beyond. Thanks for your friendship. It means so much to me.

-Jordan

Update 10/18/2012

Thank you for your prayers for me and my family.

As you may already know my Grandma passed about a week and a half ago. Her decline had been very slow. I was pretty sure I wasn't going to be able to go and be with my family. But my cousin helped me. And I am so thankful. I am so thankful that God knew it was the desire of my heart and made a way. I love my family very much. We have been through many mountains and valleys together.

It was a long trip both ways, I had some pretty amazing people to talk to. Divine encounters are everywhere all the time, we just don't always see it that way. And then there are the ones that really catch your attention. I had a few of those.

These were very beautiful people. Some who had been through the ringer. A handful of them I get to stay in contact with them and love on them with Jesus. Perhaps I will describe more of what happened later. Pray for the people on the trains.

When I returned to the apartment I have been staying at in Azusa, CA it was late. My friend Samuel had picked me up at the bus stop, even though the train had been very late. We went to In'n'out. That was beautiful. I was exhausted, I think sleep came quick that night. I got sick on my train and am still getting over it.

The next day I needed to make phone calls to find another place to stay by the next day... which is the day I am writing this. I had peace about it. Especially in the morning. I made a few calls. I also caught up on phone calls I had been meaning to make. I didn't get through to some. But I felt God had really been highlighting specific people for certain things.

My housing over the next week will be patchy, please pray for God's best in the housing situation. Please pray for the job God has for me, for endurance and for energy, and for my health. Please pray for encounters with Jesus, and blessings on the places I stay. Please pray for rest. Please pray for solutions to communication issues; Still no phone.

I will be more detailed later.

A lot of love,

-Jordan

Transitioning 10/4/12

I've moved out of the stage of just getting here, and I'm fairly used to it now. I was getting settled for a while and now I am, which has its own dangers and chaos that come with it. Now that things feel a little more normal compared to when I first got here it is easier to get comfortable and a little more lazy and sloppy. This is not my intent. It is what happens outside of intention and purpose.

Landing here didn't look like anything I had thought of. I had envisioned the landing stage, but the stage after the landing stage I found recently was beyond my grid. I didn't know what to expect. I am after all living one day at a time. I do know I need to find work, that is one piece of the puzzle I am actively working on.

So for about a week I found I was getting irritable and tired and had low motivation levels. I was even feeling depressed part of the time. This had gone on a few days before I realized something wasn't going as it should be. I had transitioned from Stage 1, arriving and acclimating. I didn't need more rest, I didn't need to spend more time alone. I found what my heart was craving was to move with purpose.

Yesterday, in order to remedy this I took some time out to reconnect with the purposes God has been speaking to me about over a long time. I looked at some of the desires He has put in my heart. I took a fresh look at the goals I have in various sectors of my life. And then I took my present pursuit of work and managing money well and connected it with those  pieces of vision.

I knew God sent me here, but coming here doesn't suddenly cancel out all the other things God has spoken to me, and shown me over time. I am on the path. I am where He wants me now. Also I am in a season that clears the way for me to grow more and more, and to walk out the purpose He has given me. I still get to experience the delight of His promises fulfilled. Saying yes to Him does narrow the path to do His will, but He is more committed to me experiencing blessing than I am. Saying yes doesn't remove me from that. I am His son whom He loves.

Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup;

you have made my lot secure. 

The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places, 

surely I have a delightful inheritance.

                      -Psalm 16:6 

Rewind to the middle of last week, I made it over to Pasadena and spent some time at PIHOP. This gave me some time to just be alone with Jesus. No one knew me over there. It was rich. I was there for a while and got to dive into some scripture passages I had wanted to. Finally face to faceI met Ryan, the guy I had been emailing about possibly interning there. I spoke to him about the sozo ministry they are running. I'm gonna go through one soon, again.

I got to climb Garcia Trail a couple more times. One of those times I climbed "the A" with my friend Sam. Sam and I live in a house with 2 other guys. He is an APU student. A couple weeks back he and I went to Redlands to the East to go visit his crazy grace friends. I may have talked about Sam already, but He and I are shaping up to be really good friends. This last summer He was in Mozambique and he had a revelation of God's grace, and the completed work of the cross. I have heard a steady stream of excited declarations of our perfection before God ect. coming out of his mouth since about 5 minutes after I met him. He grew up in NorCal. And is studying computer science. He is a lot of fun. Full of the richness of God's heart. He is also one of those people who in a very good natured sort of way will invade your personal space. He's great! I've been spending quite a bit of time around him.

I kinda had a dip in momentum there for a bit, as I have already described. Now that I have taken some time to get back in touch with who I am, why I am here, not just in California, but also here: as in on earth. And the things I am looking forward to, I really have gained quite a bit of the momentum I came here with.

God has shown me a few specific things He is taking out of my hands so I can rest, and so I am freed up to carry with Him what He has for me to take up in seasons that will soon come after this one. Looking at some of what He showed me wasn't easy. Thank you for your continuing prayers and for helping me walk through this. You declaring truth, or just saying "hi", or asking how I am doing: this gives me so much strength. Thank you for lending me your strength. Walking this out is a big adventure, and their is great joy in that, but their is also loneliness. There are many types of difficulty that come for a time in this life. I don't want to just say this for my sake, but if you know someone out on the mission field, or traveling away from their family please lend them your strength to. They need the support of friendship. It is so much easier to respond to someone than initiate, but being away from family and longstanding friends and just people I know I feel the necessity of making extra effort to stay connected.

I would really appreciate prayer for my family right now, there is quite a lot going on in it right now. Thank you.

A lot of love,
-Jordan

Update 9/23/12

The same day I got back from my bicycle trip to Long Beach, I was off on another trip. This time my friends Sam and Robert and I took off by car to Redlands to the East.

My friend Sam came back sometime in the last 3 months from Mozambique. He was at the Iris School. It turned out that I had already met 2 of Sam's friends each one individually who had been there with him. They were over in Redlands that night along with a good amount of other one's who had been there in Mozambique.

When my friend Sam came back God had given him an intense revelation of His grace. As he has been explaining to me again and again the implications of the finished work of the cross I have been weighing out his words and been getting wrecked. I have found intense reason to know the scripture even more, I want to make sure what I hear and recieve, not just from Sam, is truth.

Sam introduced Robert and me to this community of people up in Redlands, they are amazing. I know I was there from Salem, but there were people there who had driven around 3 or 4 hours from Sandiego. It was a Holy Spirit party. The main theme I got as these people came together young and old was, "He did it" We worshiped just launching right off the platform of fullness.

I was having a bit of a hard time, even before i was there. The love tanks were low. Which is painful. I miss the familiar embrace of friends and family. God did something pretty incredible. My friend Robert, and APU student, whom I had been talking to, told me suddenly that, "God, asked if He could love me through him." And then immediately tackled me in this huge hug. It was very powerful for my heart. One of my pains has been in loving an invisible God; when do I get to hug Him? I long for his embrace. This was closer than just hugging Him through his people. My friend told me it was like God put him on like a glove. It was so good. May I just say, God knows our hearts so much.

We spent the night at Jerad's house; one of Sam's buddies. There were probably 12 or 13 people who slept  over at his house that night. I went to sleep very soon after we got there. In the morning we had an amazing breakfast and just had an amazing time together. Before we left all these people originally from California, Oregon, and Washington, and beyond, we blessed the West Coast and what God is doing in Cali, Oregon, and Washington and thanked God for the ability to walk in all that He has for us.

When we got back, I actually was able to deposit some money in the bank.Communications will be solved soon. I have a baking job possibly lined up I need prayer over that. God had been showing me that my baking would be important for down here too.

When I was in Long Beach God woke me early and spoke to me some things about why I will be placed where he places me, as I put down roots here too. I was so grateful to hear from him so clearly.

Also I returned to my friend Bob's house for a prayer meeting or bible study. I recieved a word that really launched off a theme that God had started to speak to me about a week before I left Oregon. That was an intense one, it gave some clarity about the season I am in. God is so good!

More Later! :)

UPDATE 9-21-12 Bicycle

Hey I just wanted to keep you posted.

I just got back from a big trip down to Anaheim and Long Beach from Azusa.

God really took good care of me on this trip. Thank you for your prayers particularly in the area  transportation provision and communications. I have seen breakthrough and just God moving in these areas right along side the amazing friends I have been building new relationships with.

On my 39 mile bike trip to Anaheim I left prepared, the right supplies, proper tire pressures, and an extra tube. It was really beautiful heading down the San Gabriel River Trail. Although eventually I was very tired and just wanted to see the end of it, all in all my first leg which took me to my friends house was great. I got to see a lot of the countryside that I really wouldn't have seen any other way. Ok so a lot of it wasn't countryside in the way that you and I know it, but still it was great.

About an hour after I arrived in Anaheim at my destination. I was taking a look at my bike and I had another popped tire. I was just so grateful that it wasn't in the middle of my ride. That would have brought my spirits down a bit more and stolen some momentum.

When I arrived in Anaheim, I took a nap, and then went with my friend Tyler his girlfriend and their other friend to go hang out at some outdoor mall. A real relief for me since a lot of my time since I got down here has been going and going. I was really grateful for the invite. It was a good night despite the California passenger syndrome that I seem to have caught briefly. I was seriously in the back seat clinging to whatever i could with my eyes bugging out focused on the road. Whew! Glad I'm still with you!

So I got up the next morning and took off on my bike after a lot of stretching. The previous night I had put my last tube on my bike and it wasn't long before I had could tell I was losing air in my tire again. This was to be a shorter ride than the previous day. I had to pump it up quite a few times in order to keep going. And I got really far this way, I knew I was supposed to be down here so I was determined to keep going. Also I know zero people between Anaheim and Long Beach, which is about 15 to 20 miles; not bad.

So eventually this tire just wasn't holding the air any more and I was going to damage my tire or rim by trying to ride it flat. So I got off transitioned to walking. I had hit a point where I had been traveling over this long bike path through the length of this park and that had ended so I had to cross a street that I had been riding parallel to for a while. So I crossed over Carson St. not too excited over the prospect of walking what was left of the trip. Would Steve and Michael and everyone else even be there still when I arrived?

Within the first block of starting to walk my bike after crossing over there was a bike shop. It was more messy than any bike shop I had ever seen. All around the thin path from the back door to the front were chest deep piles of bike parts; frames, wheels, rims, ect. I had little cash on me. I waited a while, but then when the owner of the store came in I asked him if he had any patch kits. He had one left. I had never used one. I had never even bought one. I asked him how much it was. Four dollars he said. I couldn't understand what he was saying, it didn't hit my brain til later that he saw the pickle I was in and he wanted to help me.

I had three dollars in my wallet and so I reasoned that I needed to head to the bank. As I was leaving I had decided I also needed a new tube liner to possibly prevent more popped tires. I got around the corner with directions to my bank and then I remembered the ziplock full of change that I had as well. So in the end I had a dollar less than I needed, but the shop owner still gave me the tube liner and the patch kit. And I was able to make it to the holy grail (the meal we have with the homeless community) although a little late.

There is more but I can't blog all day. God is such a good father. I got a lot of rest and was well fed during the rest of the trip. And I had a ride back to Azusa. Plus so much more blessing. And I ask for blessing upon  you my family and friends. I love you and miss you.

UPDATE 9/17/12

A lot of time has past since my last post.

I need prayer over communications.

        Soon after my last post I took a trip over to Long Beach from where I was living in Anaheim. This is certainly not a recommendation, but I did this trip on skateboard and on foot. Why Long Beach? There was a possibility that I had a job opportunity at the Long Beach Rescue Mission through a friend. So I went and checked out this place first hand. I found that Jesus very much is preached there, and the Holy Spirit was strong there. I found God is honored here. The men who stay here off the streets are also honored. They weren't just given the left overs, it was a beautiful facility.

        The next day I met with my friend Steve who is committed to reaching out helping hands and helping those who are rejected on the streets of Long Beach. God has set Steve very strategically in place between needs and resources, the broken and healing, hopeless hearted ones and hope. God literally gave him experience and preparation, then added divine strategies, and told him "do this". God also told him "I'm gonna bless you," and He has.

         So I met up with Steve and his family and friends. When I arrived I was very warmly welcomed. And I saw very quickly in action the work God is doing among them. God is bringing the hurting and the homeless to them, and they are going out to as many of them as they can find to declare God's hope and befriend the most rejected and hated people in Long Beach. We went to a site familiar now to Steve and the people he runs with. The homeless in Long Beach are pushed out of sight. The city just wants them to disappear, but God is not ashamed of these people. They are friends that he desires and he is not ashamed of. There is more to what is going on than I saw down there. But they are befriending these people, loving on them, sharing the gospel with them, and feeding them. This was a really rich experience. The key that I saw them was they wanted to actually help them, from grassroots levels of basics, to helping them actually get off the streets, to looking to take on their cause and fight a system that has is writing ordinances specifically to make their lives more difficult and push them out.

         Steve is very busy, but still I was very welcomed by him and his family and friends, and they took some of their time later after the outreach to spend with me and get to know me better. They gave me a ride home, and when I thought our time was up, they spent more time with me and had a meal with me.  This is one of my precious memories along the way. They are genuine, and welcoming. They are the bride of Christ moving the way she was meant to. And I love them, as you can see in the time I have spent to expound on how awesome they are. They love like Jesus and with Jesus.

         After I was in Long Beach I spent a good amount of time trying to figure out my communications- specifically my PO Box. Turns out I needed to send myself mail to prove I have an address down here in order to get a PO Box. Also there was some time spent with the friends I had made in Anaheim. My friends Jordan and Ashley took me to the coast to see the sunset it was beautiful. I so needed rest during this time, but the rest I was getting didn't seem to be enough. My friend who I had been staying with in Anaheim, Brandon spent some time with me on my last night in Anaheim we talked for quite a while, and then the next morning we loaded up some fire wood in the trunk of his car for a young adults thing at the beach that he was helping put on. Brandon prayed for me before he left. He is a man deeply committed to the word of God and the spirit, I am so blessed to have been able to stay with Him and his housemates.

         When I came down on the train my first weeks housing which I thought would work out and was almost tied up fell through the day before I was to leave. It was through this situation that I was put in contact with my first 2 weeks housing. My train ride was 30 hours long. 11 hours before my arrival I received 2 texts letting me know that I had two separate options. Staying in Anaheim was the first one. The second one my friend Andrea connected me with her friend Jonny Liu an Resident Director on the APU campus. I didn't know anything about him, and he didn't know that our mutual friend Andrea was truly only a friend of a friend I had only just met. I met Andrea several months before via contact information being passed to me through a guy named Mark from Tennessee who happened to be passing through on tour and stopped in at my friend Joey's home group which happened to be meeting on an irregular night because a friend of his from Africa was coming to speak. [That's even more wild than I thought, Jesus!]
     
        So on Saturday exactly 1 week after my arrival in LA, I was picked up in Anaheim and taken to Azusa by my next host Jonny Liu and his 2 friends. They were a bit shocked by how much stuff I had with me, but we fit it in his sedan. I remember my arrival at Jonny's home being such a blessing. I found Jonny very much has a heart for people and helping them. I did hear a lot of "What are you doing here?" And I wanted them to know, but meeting so many people was wearing on me. When I arrived in Azusa I was still very much exhausted from constant transition and the physical heat of the days; which I am told was above average, and everything around me and everyone being new and unfamiliar. Jonny helped explain me quite a few times to his friends who seem to ever flow into his house. Hospitality is part of his job as an RD so. His house by the way was beautiful, and I let him know how relieved I was and how much that added to my rest being a very visual person. I was challenged here by Jonny and his friends. During this week in Azusa I started facing the challenges of work, thanks in part to challenge put to me by Jonny. He really helped pull the best out of me. God really broke through some barriers in this area of my life. And I really think I am going to experience the reality of this breakthrough even more as I go.

           A big part of my stay last week at Jonny's was meeting people. Besides the numerous people coming into Jonny's apartment, I met a ton of people at APU. About the 3rd day I was at Jonny's when I went out to find work, God lined up an interview. The next day I went to a chapel on campus with a ton of students and a guy named Aaron that I had met already and his girlfriend Lexi prayed for me. It turns out that Aaron grew up in Salem. And then as they asked me what kind of work I was looking for, I told them what kind of job I would take, and what I would ideally move into. I didn't know it but from her texting me earlier, at that point Lexi heard God just shouting into her spirit for her to connect me with her parents business in Brea, CA. So she did. God's leadership is so perfect. I sent in a Resume that night, I thought, but the email didn't go through. Last night I discovered that and I remedied that, but there is no worry. He is taking care of me, because of His love for me.

          A few other people I met; Michael is a graduate of APU, but God returned him to work on the APU campus to be a catalyst for revival there. God literally handed him the job that He is working there to  set him in place. When I first met him I saw Jesus all over this guy, he spoke truth right into my heart. Someone else I met Bre: When I met her the first time, I was sitting there talking with her I was struck at first by her directness. She got right to the point, asking very direct questions. Later she told me, "I don't know if I will ever see you again, why would I not want to get to the point of what God wants to say, I would rather let my communications be in heaven than on the earth." As her surprising direct questions struck my heart she was listening to Jesus, and then she started to speak what she was hearing. The truth she was speaking struck my heart full on like arrows. And the short time that this went on the fear of the Lord came upon me. I don't think I have ever experienced anything like that. I knew it was Jesus so I didn't, but I literally wanted to jump up and run away the intensity of his burning eyes and his gaze that was coming through her. That was so strange I was speechless, she gave me Isaiah 43: also she said don't live in shame, and you need to rest more in Jesus. Very simple truth that was breathed on by the fire of God. I was reeling from that for several hours and into the night. I didn't understand it, but Jesus was scary in how Holy He is. After she got up and I was just sitting there, I was left just wondering what had she seen as she gazed upon the Holy One.

        Towards the end of my stay at Jonny's I climbed Garcia Trail, it was a short, but intense climb. On the way down there was a girl who had sprained her ankle badly, I came back up to her and her friend as I was praying,  I gave her some Tylenol. And after I walked with them for a small distance I decided to run down and let the fire department know what had happened. The fire department sits at the bottom of the trail. They helped her out more and got her off the hill. On I went to go see my friend Andrea. She helped me find housing with Jonny originally. I had got to meet her at Jonny's in person finally after talking with her before leaving Oregon for a while. We got to worship together with her friend and Jonny. But this time she was speaking at APU. She is both a worship leader and recording artist and APU alumni. She had invited me to come sit in on the class she was sharing in. It was a small class and I got to hear about how she operates in many aspects of her work in her passion for Jesus and writing music and recording and cowriting, ect. That was really cool. I was really honored to be invited by her as a friend. That was richness. I pushed into finding my next place to stay later that day; Asking. Also during this week I was encouraged to look into APU as  a possible direction; going to school there. So I explored that option. Met with an admissions counselor, and took a campus tour. I took a nap somewhere in here, visited Azusa House of Prayer several times.

       On one particular day, God really stirred me about APU and some of what is going on there. It wasn't all flattering to APU, I won't share it, but He also started to share with me His heart and original intent, and then I got distracted while He was talking to me. But when He stirred my heart it was Saturday morning and I was up early. I couldn't help it His burden was so intense, I felt like He might have me go preach it. But I got up and I was just there with Him. That morning I also ran into my friend Michael. We had found out earlier last week when we first met that another mutual friend and leader out of AZHOP while he had been trying to hook me up with housing. That housing possibility had fallen through. Mike had been trying to connect me with Michael and his housemates. It turns out that Michael's house was the one that had originally fallen through and that had produced 2 weeks stay in Anaheim and Azusa. I ran into Michael that Saturday morning when I was burdened and He told me that He was going to be out of town this next week, and I could stay on his bed during this week. I was desiring a place in Azusa. and that is where I am. In a house that I would have been staying the first week of my stay, but God had in mind more than I did or any of my contacts. Saturday evening around sunrise one of Michael's roomies, Sam picked me up and all my stuff. Before he took me to the apartment he took me for a drive up the canyon declaring the fullness and perfection we have in Christ that he accomplished at the cross. I was getting wrecked in the first 5 minutes of getting to know Sam, but I was also cautiously weighing out all his words.

           So Saturday, I moved in with Sam and Edson and the not present Michael. All of them amazing brothers in Christ. We live in the projects, the poorest part of Azusa. They live here simply to be a light in the darkness. Bre the crazy fear of the Lord person lives in one of the apartments downstairs. My phone communications have been cut off since Saturday.

         Saturday night I went to Bob McCorkle's house. It was a big Holy Spirit party. Bob is a spiritual father to a good amount of people connected with APU. I leaned on him some in the process of finding housing. And he prayed with me and like Mike Wilday when I was on the train didn't full on rescue, but left room for God to work and prayed with me. His support in faith was invaluable. Going to him and gaining that support and accountability and welcome before the breakthrough really increased the praise Jesus gets in the breakthrough. I highly value this man and His family here. God has placed them here as an outpost of breakthrough. When I went to his house Saturday night, I saw people who had just recently been introduced to the Spirit absolutely exhilerated by Him and rescued from oppression and depression and in a very short time. Bob spoke out of the Lord's prayer

       Sunday I skated off to church at AZHOP and for the 2nd week we prayed for the election. Rick the director spoke out of the Lord's prayer. We also interceded for Pakistan. I was so very blessed to see a familiar face from Oregon; Crystal Hammerson my friend is here in Azusa with her family and friends and leaders. Also I found out that Jim and Linda the directors of SHOP are in Azusa. I'm so excited about that, I can't wait to see what God has been doing with them on their journey. I can't wait to give them big hugs. After church I was invited to lunch by Dave and Joni from AZHOP. That was awesome. I also got to meet Crystal's best friend. Later that night I went to Rick and Janet's house with Edson and Darrel housemate and friend. We had a meal and fellowshipped for a long time and then moved into prayer. That was intense. I love this new piece of my family so much. Thank you Rick and Janet for opening your home and your lives to us. Thank you for your vulnerability. When we got back, Edson whom I had been getting to know throughout the day briefed me on food possibilities, and house rules which included get more full of the Holy Spirit, and Love on someone, and we will challenge you in this area and this area, and rest; so good. I got beautifully interrupted from writing this blog blasted with God's grace while talking with Sam until 3 in the morning last night, So amazing!

           Since I have been here in this camp of cities I have experienced so much of the broad spectrum of Christ's beautiful bride. So many who are at times are offended and seem opposed to each other, but Jesus and His bride together are beautiful and powerful. I am so blessed to have been in each of the places I have been with the people I have spent time with. The bride can only be unified by Jesus. He will accomplish it. I am in awe of Jesus even more than ever! I love you all in Oregon and those of you spread to the four corners of the globe. And I miss you all greatly. In Christ dwells all the fullness, walk in the fullness of Christ.     
           

TO BE CONTINUED... :)

       

7/5/12 UPDATE

I have been experiencing some challenges since about the third day here.

Please pray about

transportation: I have already had 2 popped tires and was stranded and will be selling my bike, and I have purchased a skateboard

communication: I have been working to get my PO Box set up, but the process has been a little difficult

friends: I don't entirely see eye to eye with some of the friends I am making I need grace to love them as Christ does. I miss friends and family in Oregon a lot and just seeing familiar faces and places.

I need physical strength. A lot of walking going on. When someone in Anaheim gives you directions and says it's a mile a way they mean a long mile not a weiny Oregon mile.

I got a little discouraged in the middle,

In the midst of challenges God has been showing up in unusual ways that encourage me today it rained, it made me smile. Yesterday I was seeing the value of the shadow of the almighty. It is a lot different when His shadow is your shelter. The heat down here has been difficult to take. I feel like I am the most hydrated person in Anaheim, but also I probably swet the most too. My body is not used to the heat yet. But God is my shade. And I laugh when people who are from here old grandmothers included pass by me in sweaters and sweatshirts. Layers that I would only wear in cooler weather but it is at least 98*. I met a homeless man named Lawrence who didn't appear homeless. I talked with him for a while. He said that not many people talk to Him. But I found in that Jesus was all over this man. I found the face of Jesus and He was on the streets. I asked if I could pray for Him. He said why don't I pray for you. I was surprised and blessed. This man who had so little in the natural and whom others had taken so much from. This man had so much to give in the spirit. My day was drastically lifted. That guy was awesome. I love rain and Jesus is the one who lifts my head.

I got a little discouraged in the middle, but I was asking for help the whole time and leaning into Jesus' strength. And He is so faithful.

-Jordan

9/3/12 UPDATE

I am truly filled with awe by God's hand at work, and by the amazing family He has surrounded me with even in an unfamiliar place. Some of you know that I had not worked out housing until the last week. It was hard to buckle down and get that part done, "but hard is not necessarily bad, and I can do hard things", as my friends reminded me. The God who created me is in me and His power cannot be matched.

In the last week not only did God connect me with housing long and short term, but also a job that starts after the first week. I will be working at the Long Beach Rescue Mission. Isn't that amazing how it even lines up with the purpose I am being sent here for.

Just before I left the first weeks housing which I thought was nearly a done deal fell through. So even while on my way down on the train I was calling up all my contacts and trying to track down a place to stay for a week. 11 hours before my arrival I was able to breathe a sigh of relief. I recieved 2 options. But before the 11 hour mark most of my options seemed like dry creek beds. This challenge took me to the limits of my possibilities and stretched me. In the middle of this I am so thankful for the encouragement I had from my friends and family before I left. Also Mike Wilday and Steve Richardson were stability for me in the middle of it. Mike especially stood by me, asking me to keep him posted on what was going on and praying, but not necessarily rescuing me either. This was a learning experience in the school of leaning on my Beloved -Jesus.

In the end my friend Ashley talked to her friend Jordan who talked to his friend Brandon. And I am staying with him through this week.

Thank you for your prayers and fro all the strength you've poured in.

-Jordan

Untangle Me

        It makes me angry when I know I have been stolen from. Even more so when I find that I was complicit in this theft. Going into deeper places with God often means pain. The plow takes you at times into old and strangely familiar territory that you wish you could just forget. You get to find treasures you didn't see before as well. The roots of your faith and your strength. Its really cool to get to trace back to the tree the rich inheritance I am grafted into. It is also quite painful to excavate the roots of sin that has been in your life for some time. For me recently I have been seeing not just how these ways of death have started, but also the fruit they bear out to present day, the entanglement they have in my thinking, and how I left a place for them to grow. I don't want to be stolen from any more. In the words of a friend: "go there God".

        God's victory is securely won! This is truth. In love, He is in the process of untangling us and dealing with us ever so patiently, in order to bring all things into alignment with this victory. But I don't like to see these things about me. I don't like to see this beautiful creation, I know so personally as me, so blurred, tangeled, and muddled. And I don't enjoy Him seeing it either. This might shed some light on some lie I believe about God still. The fact that there is a questionining in my heart about whether He would reject me if He saw this.
    
        The truth is He can see this entanglement that has skewed my ways and poisoned me in some ways, but He still looks on me and smiles. Oh God, let my heart lean into truth. I like being me now more than I ever have, but I don't always enjoy every aspect of the process of maturing. I do have this great hope: the very fact that He is allowing me to see this now shows me his desire to thoroughly untangle. God is already "going there", the question is: will I go there with Him? I can't face it on my own. If He is going there... did I not pray that I want to be with Him where He is?

"You are so kind,

and so gentle

the way that you untangle me..." 

                                                                                                -AE

        I want His victory to bear out in my life. I can't just avoid this stuff any more. He showed me a picture in the middle of the night of myself. I was like a driver who had fallen asleep at the wheel in a turning lane in the area of my heart he was addressing. Its time to surrender and let Him do the surgery. I could choose to avoid Him and the pain, but that would be the most painful and destructive way. He is after more life, more joy, and more fruit. Am I after those things too? I know now too well that I must let him operate on my heart to remove these deeply sunk roots. They have stolen from me and poisoned me too long. They are not from God, the one who created me. They are not a part of me. God help me to stop clinging to the things of death that cling to me. Help me to learn to cling to you in these areas of my life. Thank you for taking me on this journey. For showing me things my eyes would not otherwise see.

Roots

          Several years ago as I was on a misadventure God told me I was going to be a lot closer to Him at the end of this journey. Now at that point I thought He meant just that trip. However, that trip didn't start out well, and ended prematurely with no gas and little money in the middle of a canyon. It turned into a real crisis. The end of this journey He was referring to was not the end of this running away from my life. He brought me back, and I am so thankful that He did.

         This journey is about closeness, but that doesn't mean there will be no wilderness and no battles. Actually what we consider to be pressures and pains and crisis are what cause our heart to either spin out or cling to the one we love. The whole question then is where are we anchored. In the natural I have found a home. In May of last year I moved into my first apartment with zero roomies. It was the first time I had my own space in quite some time. I had a rhodedendron plant that was in a pot. I had purchased it from a nursery and I was carrying it around from 1 residence to the next. I had been told that it would last 3 years in the pot and then it would die if it weren't put in the ground. Six months after I moved into that apartment, it was time for that rhodi to be planted. And God also started to speak to me about putting down roots. I planted that rhodi in the little garden I had in front of my place as well as some other plants.

         Before that I felt like I had no clear place of belonging, but in my heart that brought some firmness to the connections I have with the people around me. For a while all I wanted to do was get out of here, and I almost broke off all relationships. So much blessing that God didn't let me succeed, that would have been so ruinous. If I can't put down roots and deal with whatever deficiencies I may be experiencing I will start smaller somewhere else and encounter other problems that I have no grace for. I will also run right back into me. I have to deal with this at some point, there is no escaping me.

         This closeness that God has been drawing me into and growing me into, I have had previews of it, but now He is growing me into it. And in it He is creating a solidness that has never been part of my being until now. And it comes from the washing of the word, and the eating and drinking of the word and leaning and following the Holy Spirit. Jesus voiced a desire of His heart the night before the cross. They had dinner, Jesus had washed their feet, and had been telling them to love one another the same way that he had just loved them. Judas had disappeared to who knows where, and they went out into the night; in the cool and misty night. You know, crickets chirping back over some hill. They went and they were crossing the Kidron Valley David crossed when fleeing from Jerusalem as his son attempted to stage a coup. There were vineyards and they came to the Mount of Olives. The whole watch and pray scene happened here. And he had been explaining to them abide in me. But at some point during this night so different from the others, Jesus prayed in front of them out loud for the sake of His disciples.(John 17)  He was sharing with them His heart that night more than any other night. This desire that Jesus shared was this, "Father, I want those whom You have given Me to be with Me where I am." At the front of the book of John, the first chapter and second verse it says, "He was with God in the beginning" You can see it through the whole book the relationship Jesus had with the Father is on display. He was showing us how to be with Him. And that is what I want more than ever to be with Him. Jesus, I want to be with you where you are. There is so much in that, ask me about the "with God" thing some time, I'll tell you. Besides natural roots in Salem, I have put down roots in the Spirit. I get to abide in the vine (John 15), I get to be that Psalm 1 tree planted by the waters, and it is about closeness and staying there.